I got back my common test results, and I really thank God for letting me do the best I could have done. I thought Math was a sure-fail , but it turned out, to my surprise, that I managed to get a distinction (Grade 6). I was a little disappointed with English, and especially Econs, where I got a grade 5 for both. But at least I’m really happy I did well for Physics and Chemistry, which got Grade 7. It turned out from this exam that Chemistry is my strongest subject, followed by Physics. Even though I de-proved overall by one point from last year’s promos (38 points), I think my results are fine at the moment. At least it gives me ample room to improve before the final exam, and hopefully I peak at the right time.

For the past month, I’ve been thinking really hard, trying to find out what’s wrong with tf attendance. I know attendance isn’t the only indicator of healthy growth, and it’s not the most important. But not knowing why this is happening makes me feel worse as a tuan zhang. I kept asking myself whether there was anything I wasn't doing right, wondering if it was my fault, and sometimes even thinking if I should have taken up the role this year. Well, till now, I don’t have an answer - I can’t account for the dismal attendance. But what Jacky told me today has given me a new perspective on things – those who come are truly seeking spiritual growth. So I could see it as like some sort of “pruning”, filtering those who truly want to be involved in fellowship, and those who aren’t really sincere about it. Sorry if I offend anyone, because I truly don’t mean to. In fact, I hope this serves as both encouragement and advice. Skipping church to pursue something else “for the glory of God” is something I feel strongly against, and which I find quite ironic.

Wow it’s been quite a while since I posted.. Now, I’m finally enjoying my long overdue June holiday. I’m going to relax all I want this long weekend (since I don’t have papers on Monday and Tuesday next week) before school starts again on Wednesday.

My exams went fine I guess. I’m quite happy with Physics, Chem and Econs, and as usual, I’m worried about English, but I guess it didn’t go too badly. Yes, the subject I’m most worried about is Math. I didn’t expect the first paper to be so hard. There were quite a few questions that stumped me, and they really threw me off course till I didn’t have any confidence for the rest of the paper, making my performance even worse. For the second paper, I didn’t die so badly because I was already mentally aware that I’d have to find some way to rescue my marks, so tough or not, I’d have to fight the questions out.

Ah well, I’ll see how when the results are finally out. I my marks will be in decreasing order: Physics, Chem/Econs, English, Math. Hopefully I can scrape 39 points to improve by one point this year.

Anyway, yesterday, after the last 2 papers, I went out with some people in my class to Pizza Hut for lunch. At night, I went for the President’s Young Performer’s Concert with Jie Ying, and it was an enjoyable one. I still smile to myself whenever I think of what the person sitting behind us said during the intermission..

I’ll be going to Universal Studios with my class on Monday. I hope I don’t throw up or anything after the rides. I’m really not an adventurous person.

I realised I haven’t posted for quite a while. Well, since I’m waiting for Jean to log off the other computer, I shall use this time to type.

After getting back from church camp last week, I suffered some sort of “jet lag” for about 3 days. I couldn’t help but spend most of the time sleeping or trying not to fall asleep while trying to study. I went for the scholarship interview last Friday, which went pretty alright. I tried my best, but I would be able to accept it if I don’t get it. Frankly, even if I do, I’m not sure what I’d do about it yet..

Ok Jean’s done, I’ve got to go. Exams start on Monday. Argh!

This week is Week 11 – Yes, not the June holidays yet. I’ve been going back to school every day for extra lessons/Focus (concentration) camp. I’ve been doing quite a bit of studying this week, in preparation for common tests.

Yesterday, I performed with the rest of the string ensemble at The Arts House for the Live! Singapore Showcase. I didn’t know it was a high-profile international event till recently.. But anyway it wasn’t too late. It’s the performance I mentioned last week – the one with iPad2s and electronic music. The “game” was fun and though I didn’t manage to land a turn on getting to play the iPad2 during the actual performance, it was a fun experience rehearsing/playing anyway. The music is quite atonal, all the way till the second last chord – the last chord being tonal to show the audience that we can actually play in tune. Chance music can be quite interesting, because it keeps you on our toes during every run through – you never know what might happen. Ah isn’t that so much like life… Ok I shall stop attempting to be philosophical.

This holiday seems so short – there’s so much work I need to accomplish within this month. I think this feeling is going to be pretty much the same until I finally clear the final IB exams at the end of the year. Part of me looks forward to that… But, I’m really enjoying school life, so no, I don’t really want it to end yet.

Now, off to sleep..

I realised I haven’t posted for about a month. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t get myself to sit down to type one out. I haven’t even visited this blog much. So I’m typing this post in an attempt to kick my blog back to life.

Now, I’m no longer 17 years old. Why must I turn 18 just when I start getting used to being 17? Anyway, putting my grievances aside…

I had a nice birthday celebration this year. I celebrated it in a total of four parts, each with a different group of people who play important roles in my life.

Lately, I’ve been going back for cca again, even thought SYF is over. That’s because some of the people from the secondary as well as college section will be representing the school to perform for LIVE! Singapore. Our performance is on 1 June. It’s quite exciting because there are elements of chance in the music. There are 3 iPad stations where most players will take turns to anyhow play tones using a few apps on them. It’s in the form of like a game, where each musician is assigned a number, and in my case, if I happen to hear the note F being played 4 times at a particular section, then it’s my turn to go play with the iPad. It’s the first time I’m playing atonal music, so this has been a pretty interesting experience so far.

If I get a scholarship, should I go overseas to study? It seemed really thrilling to me at first, something I’d really wanted. But when I thought about it seriously, I started doubting if I could bear to leave my family, relatives and friends behind. It’s like, I won’t know what will happen when I’m not around in Sg, and anything can happen at anytime. And I don’t want to suddenly be faced with a situation I didn’t expect, and then regret not being able to be around before it happened. I don’t know if anyone knows what I’m getting at, and I don’t really wish to be specific about it, but yea, that’s a concern. I’m typing this because I’m one final interview away from getting a scholarship. Whether it’s God’s will or not for me to get it, it’s up to Him and I guess I will submit to whatever plans He has for me.

Gold for SYF today! I’m really happy at the results. After 3 months of hard work while juggling the long list of deadlines, it’s finally over. Actually, not quite. We still have to go back to school this Saturday to perform for the open house for primary school kids. Though the orchestra was really small compared to other schools (16 people), I’m glad we managed to rise above that limitation.

Just a brief summary since I don’t think I ever posted anything much about the SYF. We played the last movement of Dvorak’s serenade for strings, and Sibelius’s Cavantina. About a month before the SYF, we decided to play without a conductor. A week before it, we decided to play it without scores, and standing up in a unique formation. I honestly learnt a lot through this experience. Like getting used to watching others around me, responding to others playing, paying attention to the musical expression and technical stuff like how to achieve specific effects on the violin. It’s not that I didn’t manage to pick up anything the past year, but just through this SYF experience, I feel like I’ve grown up more as a musician. What’s music if we don’t let it speak?

Yesterday, I retook the quick study component for my diploma. I hope I manage to pass it this time.

Last but not least, I’m glad smss got a silver today. I remember being really disappointed almost exactly 2 years ago. Ah remember the days…

The most important lesson I learnt this week: get your relationship right with God before trying to get it right with man.

I’m slightly sick – woke up with a sore throat, sneezed and sniffed throughout the day, just short of a fever to top things off.

SYF is coming up in about 2 weeks and my violin exam a day before that. Hope I’ll get through this tiring month and term in one piece.

Today, I watched the video of the magician who (actually) beheaded his wife while doing the famous trick of sawing through 3 boxes with a women inside. It was just disgusting. I was too scared to watch the video without closing my eyes nearing the part when that guy was going to saw his wife. Argh. Why do people even risk such things.. To me, life is too precious to be laid before a deadly magic trick.